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Author:Tanya Stewart, Esq.

Fearless Focus Coaching / Articles posted by Tanya Stewart, Esq. (Page 13)

[Audio] Voicemail #11 Tanya Talks Snow White & Creativity

07

Jun

Arts, Audio
Tanya Stewart, Esq.
0 Comments
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You’ve Got Voicemail…
 

 


Tanya gives an update on her Snow White kingdom and shares why Alphas need creativity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Alpha, meet “Snowman” – the kitty who is considering adopting me! He’s skinny and friendly and brave and beautiful with one green and one blue eye!


 

 

 

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​​​​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Resurrect Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE It ALL. 

 

 

[Audio] Voicemail #11 Tanya Talks Snow White & Creativity  Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Health] The Diet Tip You’ve Never Heard (that always works)

02

Jun

Health & Wellbeing, Motivation
Tanya Stewart, Esq.
0 Comments
2

The Diet Tip You’ve Never Heard (that always works)


Here’s What You Need To Know First –

 

There is no safe place outside of you,

IF there is no safe place inside of you.

 

 

You’ve heard me say it before- as within so without.

 

One cool thing to notice about truth is that it usually flows both ways.

 

So, when there is no safe place INSIDE of you-there can also never be a safe place OUTSIDE of you.

 

I always have my Alphas focused INSIDE for this reason.

 

 

How Most Alphas Mess Up Weight Loss


Yes, you can engineer, rig or force the external to “look right” for a little bit but it will always course correct to what you truly believe you deserve based upon the state of your inner being.

That is why I tell my Alphas, if you want to lose weight, you need to love yourself right now.

So if you’re fat, dumpy, frumpy, lumpy and grumpy-you are pretty much going to stay that way until you can muster up some appreciation for your form right NOW.

Hint: This is why 95% of diets fail. They are an external solution to an internal problem.

 

You don’t love yourself after you lose weight – you start loving yourself now and THEN you’ll start losing weight.

That’s the inside out approach.


Alphas who love themselves after they lose weight have given themselves conditional love, which everybody knows is kind of worthless.


When the only love you can get is kind of worthless, you keep believing that YOU are kind of worthless.


The thing all of the weight-loss gurus do not want you to know is that it mostly doesn’t matter which diet you pick, if you start it from the inside out.


Why do you think there’s a massive profusion of weight loss programs like weight watchers that now offer “group components”? They are trying to give you the love!


They call it support – but the reason that you need all this “extra support” to drink more water, eat less sugar and move a bit more is because you don’t like yourself enough to do it right now.


Pay close attention if you’re having to “bribe yourself” to take better care of your health. It’s kind of like having to sleep with a guy in order to get him to be nice to you. It pretty much means that you don’t like yourself enough to believe you are worth Quality treatment without payment.

The thing all of the weight-loss gurus do not want you to know is that it mostly doesn’t matter which diet you pick, if you start it from the inside out.

Why do you think there’s a massive profusion of weight loss programs like weight watchers that now offer “group components”? They are trying to give you the love!

They call it support – but the reason that you need all this “extra support” to drink more water, eat less sugar and move a bit more is because you don’t like yourself enough to do it right now.

Pay close attention if you’re having to “bribe yourself” to take better care of your health. It’s kind of like having to sleep with a guy in order to get him to be nice to you. It pretty much means that you don’t like yourself enough to believe you are worth Quality treatment without payment.

 


If you talk to people who are healthy and at a good weight for a long time – you’ll notice that they don’t use bribes.

 

They don’t have a “get into the swimsuit”, “get his love” or “get to cheat day” or any other external motive for their health.

 

They are, quite simply, good to their body because they love themselves and the body that they’re in.

 

 

 

It’s safe INSIDE them, so their body reflects that with a safer OUTSIDE.

Start from where you are while telling yourself the truth about your self-dislike and you’ll be able to change it. If you can’t change it, Dig Me Up, I can.

 

 

 

 

P.S. When I get too busy, I stop making as much time for myself, which isn’t self-loving. That translates into a messy kitchen -> less cooking -> eating junky food out. 

I’m now VERY mindful of this bad cycle.  If my kitchen looks unsafe (Outer), it’s reflecting dips in my self-love (Inner) which then show up on my body (Outer) and are fixed by better care of me (Inner). See it? 

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​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.

 

 

 

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[Audio] Voicemail #10 Tanya Discusses the Origin of Your “Wins”

31

May

Audio, Life, Motivation
Tanya Stewart, Esq.
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Play Voicemail #10 (03:46)


Voicemail #10 Tanya Discusses The Origin Of Your “Wins”. When you look back, you’ll see some of the most amazing moments in your life were not orchestrated BY you…​​​​​​​

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P.S.  Hey, are you missing out on the weekly coaching videos? Stop it! 😉


Join/Follow here to see FB Live Broadcasts:

https://www.facebook.com/FearlessFocusCoaching/


P.P.S. Even my SONGBIRDS are Alphas!! I love hearing them in the background. Anyone else have chatty birds?

 

 

 

​​​​​

​​​​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Resurrect Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE It ALL. 

 

 

[Audio] Voicemail #10 Tanya Discusses The Origin Of Your “Wins” Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Family] The Parable of The Garden Hose

26

May

Uncategorized
Tanya Stewart, Esq.
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The Parable of The Garden Hose…

I know I’m loved because of a garden hose.

Oh? You need backstory? Coming right up!

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And recently he’s been doing well and I’m proud of him. He is not, nor has he ever been, demonstrative or affectionate. And like most Alphas, oh we want our Daddies to love us and tell us how proud they are.

We often learn love is “earned” by our father relationship. That’s a story for another day…

I love my Dad and I know he loves me though he says so very, very rarely. Our phone calls are about 2 mins and that’s okay…At least, they were 2 minutes until—–the weeds hit.

I started telling my dad I was struggling with the weeds in my yard. How fast they grow, how I have to mow more often. How I didn’t know which product to put out to help kill weeds while protecting grass.

Translation: His girl was in TROUBLE.

Do you see it Alphas? For the first time in, OVER 30 YEARS, I had a problem that I was sharing with my Dad that I hadn’t already ALPHA-ED! I still needed help.

My father, long retired, not able to walk long distances and no longer driving SPRANG into action.

He began calling me. Checking my weather. Checking my grass. Did I find a product yet? Once I did find one, he had advice on spreaders. I did hand spreading but….the weed killer needed to be watered in! I put it down expecting to use the next rain for that and POOF. No more rain for a week! (You can’t make this stuff up.)

We debated if it would still work. It should’ve been watered in right away but….I didn’t have a garden hose.

Why not? Not sure. I had a fancy one with a box and left it at my last home and just never got one. My dad went into action to get his baby girl a Garden Hose! He recruited my Stepmom for research. They finally decided it should be purchased in Texas from a store that has a location here to avoid shipping.

My dad called me to get my local store options and when I took longer than expected…he followed up! My Stepmom, Yvonne is an angel and another Mother to me.

She called WalMart’s customer service when their website wouldn’t work. Twice. In one day. (For those of you who don’t know, such a thing is nearly suicidal, as proven by her 14 minute hold time on just call #1). 

And you know what? We know this is love. Recognizing a need and filling it and doing what it takes and recruiting the help you need.  But letting someone know a need they can fill? THAT IS LOVE TOO.

Lesson for you: Don’t take as long as me to realize that you should be LOOKING for a problem that your parents can still solve for you. People NEED to be needed. To feel useful. To show love in return for all you do. Do not deprive them of a chance to HELP you Alpha.

Let your Help in, whether it’s your parents buying you a garden hose or a child holding the bowl while you stir…

 

 

 

 


P.S. I will not make this mistake again and am profoundly grateful to the weeds in my yard for bringing my Father into deeper connection with me.

He’s my hero again and it’s been WAY too long.

I’m ashamed to realize I missed this. (Shame is good, it motivates. Guilt? Bad. It paralyzes.) Free car washes here I come! Thank you Daddy!!! 

 

 

​​​​​

​​​​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Resurrect Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE It ALL. 

 

 

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[Focus Mag] Anatomy of an Alpha, Part 1 (Who ARE You?)

24

May

Uncategorized
Tanya Stewart, Esq.
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Our FOCUS: Alpha, Who ARE You?

My life caught fire when I figured out who I was and gave myself permission to be…THAT. Once I knew who I was, who I served was right there – clear, obvious and kinda easy.

Why easy? Hint: You tend to be born to serve…YOU!

Alphas are me. Different colors. Strengths and histories. At different spots on my timeline but…still me. It’s why its so easy to love you and how I understand you so quickly.

The more of you I meet, the more of you I KNOW, the more I see our similarities. We have common “orgin” stories. Patterns with men and money. Ginormous self-trust issues that show up as “other’s trust issues.” We are not wired to accept help. Etc…

I want you to know WHO you are. It is the truth and it will begin the process of setting you free.

I’ll do this in 3 Training Posts. In Part 1 today, we’ll look at what we are NOT and our high value skill sets. In Part 2, we’ll dive into Alpha Challenges and what we really want.  In Part 3, we’ll look back at our beginning to see how Alphas are forged and the specific Alpha Sabotages we ALL go through.

Somewhere in a coaching post, I’ll explain Alpha Fears (we’ve got a standard set, factory issue apparently! Although we often upgrade.)
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I’ve got you Alpha. Let’s do this…
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Chief Seattle, Native American Chief, City of Seattle, WA named for him
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“When you know who you are; when your mission is clear when you burn with the fire of unbreakable will; no cold can touch your heart; no deluge can dampen your purpose. You know you are alive.”

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Today’s TRAINING: Anatomy of an Alpha, Part 1


It is almost always easier to start with the negative, thanks to the evolution of brains that are wired to focus on that. 

See if you recognize any of these labels Alphas are given by others who do not understand us:

Too Smart – Too Loud – Too Pretty – Too Powerful – Too Bossy – Too Happy – Too Hyper – Too Spiritual – Too Aggressive – Too Opinionated – Too Controlling – Too Dominant – Too Anal – Too Logical – Too Cold – Too Judgmental – Too Confident – Too Arrogant – Too Sexy – Too Bitchy – Too Distant – Too Good for… – Too Know it All – Too Impatient – Too Selfish – Too Driven – Too Businesslike – Too Talkative – Too Intimidating – Too Pushy – Too Fast – Too Demanding – Too Greedy – Too Spoiled – Too Assertive – Too Emotional – Too Passionate – Too Protective – Too Fierce – Too Uptight – Too Serious – Too Different – Too Wild – Too Insatiable – Too Manly – Too Hard – Too Perfect – Too Picky – Too Irritating – Too Disruptive – Too Calculating – Too Analytical – Too Territorial – Too Sensitive – Too Focused – Too Unladylike – Too Friendly – Too Extroverted – Too Nosy – Too Crazy – Too Much…

Too DAMN ALPHA.

Okay. Writing that was interesting and therapeutic because I’ve gotten EVERY SINGLE ONE of those & bet I missed a few! Happily, since I’ve done the work I train Alphas to do, I DON’T GET THAT B.S. ANYMORE!

Now do a quick scan on most of the adjectives. Did you notice that when many of those descriptors are applied to a man, it’s a compliment?!

Yep, Alpha women are women who spend more of their time in their masculine energy and are good at that masculine energy. That’s not popular UNLESS folks needs to get shit done. THEN, they love us!

For my Soft Alphas, you had these traits too and you went into hiding. You compensate and try to appease folks more than an Alpha does so you WON’T get called these “names.”

I am here to tell you that if you drop the word “Too” most of these are not an issue. It is the amount and the timing that is getting you into trouble Alpha.
You’ve heard the old saying, when the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

The only tool most Alphas have before they begin with me, is the pushing, driving masculine energy.  It’s what we know. It’s what has always worked for us and even though we can see it costs us sometimes, we resign ourselves to just pay the cost.

What if you didn’t HAVE to struggle? What if success didn’t cost what you think it does?

You are not broken Alpha. You are lovely, powerful creation of the light. A lesser Goddess allowing in a bandwidth that exceeds what others commonly allow. You are meant for greatness and every moment you don’t go, you suffer. Every moment you play small, you feel it. You don’t even know what your Divine Mission is, but you know you’ve got one. (Hint: It’s big enough to scare you!)

If I were sitting with your right now at your kitchen table, I’d laugh and hug you and squeeze just a little too tightly, so you could feel one of your own tell you that come from Amazonian stock. Magnificent and you must be trained.

Merely being an Alpha isn’t enough, that is talent without training. You must be trained to know your skills, your weaknesses, your passion and purpose. To learn how to love YOU so you can attract those who can also love you, as-you-are.

Alpha High Value Skill Sets

We protect. We provide. We problem solve. We lead. We nurture. We see possibilities others don’t see. We want MORE. We risk. We course correct. We self-evaluate. We command intense focus in emergencies. We process very fast. We want the truth. We are ride or die. We are LOYAL. We are goal driven. We are either OFF or ON. We love deeply. We are creators. We think out of the box or even, screw the box. We are strong starters. We naturally take control. We are efficient. We are learners. We are warriors and will fight if necessary. We are advice givers. We are good lovers to the right partner. We are cheerleaders. We hold back the dark. We fix things (all things!), we are master fixers.

We are so useful that once folks see what we can do, they give us more and more and more. We are often given what is not “ours” to do because we will find a way to do it.  Thus, the ability to say NO is critical to an Alpha because there is little you CANNOT do. The test must not be your ability, the threshold must be limited to only your responsibility. 

***Learning to determine what you are and are NOT responsible for is essential to you having a life without struggle.

Your Question Alpha, is never “Can I?” but rather “Should I?”

Because we are fixers and can do about anything, ego has developed the perfect poison for this combo -> Rescuing. We rescue folks with our high value skill sets instead of using our gifts to further our own purposes and reduce our own struggle. Stop It.

Because of these skills sets, you often cannot find your way. You are TOO GOOD AT EVERYTHING to pick ONE THING. So you keep changing horses and never finish the race.

Our deep skill set is part of what makes Alphas strong starters and poor finishers. An uncoached Alpha does not yet have the building blocks of commitment in her life (self-trust, self-love and self-worth).  Without that commitment, things go sideways after you begin and you’ve learned to either bail or stay and suffer.

Alphas get what they ARE not what they want. That commitment issue you’ve got attracts people who bail on you, say they will and won’t and weak ass men (they have to be or you’d chew them up).  So you are pretty convinced that many folks can’t or won’t have your back.

The very skills that make us indispensable in business and formidable as opponents KILL us in relationships. That is because we use our high value skills to compensate for the inner, emotional heart work that we kinda don’t want to do.

You’ve tried. It just didn’t work out well, so you went with what you know, right?

You are an Alpha. You are extreme to most, frightening to many and beloved of me. I know you. I am you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m installing wiring to light the whole damn thing for us.

You are not too much. You are merely a warrior as yet untrained…
Alphas can have it all without struggle.

Tanya, Alpha & Leader of Alphas

See you in Part II

 


Tanya Recommends:


www.WordClouds.com
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This site will create a FREE word cloud image of whatever words you give it! Play with it. Start off my picking out your trait and putting those in a colorful word cloud that you keep on your phone, perhaps as your screen saver. Remind yourself that who you are RIGHT now is highly valuable 🙂

The cloud below is all of the “Too _____” adjectives from above!

 


Go through the list and pick out the 3 you’ve heard most often and write them down.


Now tell yourself  an example where each of these 3 “insults” is actually a strength when use in the right place and the right time.

A hammer is a wonderful tool, but not for breaking eggs or sewing.

We are all capable of knowing ourselves and when we do not, it is because we are afraid to look.

When you are afraid to look, it is because you have decided you will not like or accept what you see. How or why should anyone ELSE like, let alone love, what they see if you cannot bear to look?

Know yourself and own what you find, good or bad. From there, you can go anywhere.


Wow, Did You Hear?


76 yr Old Flying/Tap Dancing Alpha!

“I am really enjoying your posts, Tanya.  You’re right…..we don’t celebrate enough.  My tap dance group will be performing in 2 weeks.  I am already celebrating that I can remember all the steps and “perform” (big smiles, strong arms and hands flaring, stomps where called for, and oh yes….doing a fast time step). 

Also, another new thing in my life….flying.  My new boyfriend (age 81) is still a pilot and is teaching me how to fly his acrobatic plane.  I mean, what happens if he keels over in mid flight?  I have to learn how to bring it in, right?  Well, even taxiing is difficult in a tail-dragger type airplane….you have to have your feet on the rudder and brake and apply them with force if necessary.  Who knew? 

Looks really simple from the back seat, but when he puts me in the FRONT seat….EEEEK!  However, I am up to it (even at age 76).  When we flew in to the air show at Riverside, I’m sure we were the oldest couple landing…..let’s celebrate THAT!

Hugs and continued success to you!”
Jan F.

76. Tap dancing in a SHOW GIRL’S COSTUME with a NEW PILOT Boyfriend (81). Any other Alphas got some excuses for me??? Mic drop.  

— Tanya 🙂

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[Focus Mag] Anatomy of an Alpha, Part 1 (Who ARE You?) Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

 

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