[Focus Mag] Journey vs. Destination – Explained!






There are all these mostly annoying quotes and clichés out there saying “it’s the journey, not the destination.”


Well, I’ve got bad news, they are ALL correct! I can help you get this concept from your head into your heart.


It is one of the things that has shifted my life, so I want to give you the tools to embrace it too. So come on, let’s unpack this thing.



Arthur Ashe – American No.1 World Tennis player, Winner of 3 Grad-Slams, First Black Male World Tennis Champion


Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.


Today’s TRAINING: Journey vs. Destination – Explained!



I feel “prove-y” today! So, I am setting out to prove that it really IS the journey and not the destination and WHY this is an easy but HUGE shift to make in your life.


Given #1 – Time wise, we spend the majority of our time JOURNEYING rather than arriving


Given #2 – We have been taught to focus on the “BIG DAYS” and don’t think much of the average, in between days, with “nothing going on”


Given #3 – The only way to CREATE a Big Day is by doing intentional things on the average days that do not have your attention


Given #4 – Ego wants you to focus on outcomes (not 100% within your control) rather than your daily choices/actions/process (all within your control)


Because 1-4 are true, the RESULT is a life wasted by ignoring the now, over-focusing on the future & struggling. A life where joy waits on the coming of one of the sacred “BIG DAYS”.


Stop It!


Let’s take each Given one by one so you really get it. Once you make this shift, you can learn to see value in what you have right now, life itself. Daily, average, nothing going on but the rent, life itself is valuable.


Given #1We spend more time JOURNEYING rather than arriving


I’ll use my own life. Let’s see. Big Days? Graduated college, graduated law school, got married, got divorced, won a National Championship in Law school, won some national championships in racquetball, went to the U.S. Olympic Facility to train, won some big legal cases. Okay that’s a good sample.


Just those Big Days span 1995 -2011. 16 years. Those 16 years covered 5,840 days of my life. And we’ll say that list gives me 13 Big Days.


Score: Journey 5,840 Days vs. Big Day “Destinations” 13 Days


.00222% of my life was the ARRIVING part and all the rest was the travel, the getting there! P.S. You are going to have the same numbers!



Given #2We have been taught to focus on the “Big Days” ONLY


Look how TINY a part of your whole life the BIG DAYS really are. Put them in perspective.


If someone offered you a promise for your life where all your average days would be really happy and your BIG DAYS would be really miserable, you’d be a FOOL not to grab that deal.


Look at the numbers. Are you accepting average for thousands of days while trying to get AMAZING for .00222% of your time here?


We spend 4 years (well, we used to spend 4 years in College, I don’t know what the hell kids are doing these days strolling through in 6…) in undergrad all for 1 day. To be fair, all for like 2 hours and you hope they pronounce your name correctly!


As a former divorce lawyer, I used to laugh when I heard of the BIG weddings with young people. Divorce lawyers used to joke about those. We noticed that the grander the wedding, the bigger and sooner the divorce!


The more everything was about the ONE BIG DAY, the less is was about the 12,775 more days in your future that makes up 35 years.


Be honest. What BIG DAY are you driving for right now? My Arbonne women it’s “get my Mercedes Day” or “walk the stage as National Vice President Day”. These are SINGLE days in a life pushing and pulling and struggling for that SINGLE moment.


No one would argue that the BIG DAY isn’t amazing or important, it’s just what are you giving up on a daily basis to get to that one single moment?


Paradox: Given #3 – The only way to create a Big Day is by focusing on your daily choices YET with Given #4 the ego encourages you to keep your focus off the daily and ONTO the outcome (the Big Day)


Here is something so simple and subtle it is easy to overlook.  We all want the BIG DAYS but the only way to create one of those is by choosing well on your average days.


Problem? Focusing on the outcome tends to bring anxiety over when it’s coming and how to get it. That energy distracts and keeps you from getting what you are after. And when you stay fixated on your “outcome” you are actually rejecting your current reality. 


Your ‘future only’ focus says, right now things aren’t as good and I prefer to live for that magic day in the future.


I used to do this by focusing on Getting Married and then focusing on the day my mate would “find me”. My BIG DAY focus was, where is he? Where is he? That was the same as me saying there was something “wrong” with my single life.


My craving/pushing/longing energetically supported the fact that HE wasn’t here yet, so I was stuck in that place. Nothing resisted can be shifted!


My life is so good right now that an AMAZING man who offers a lot but not all that I want, is a NO.  I am no longer a slave to future BIG DAYS. I am in my joy on those “average” days that make up our lives.


Think about it, if you can be in joy on the “average days”, doesn’t that mean you have found a way to experience 99.778% of your life happy? 


And doesn’t THAT mean, that daily happiness will help you focus on your daily choices without future distraction…so you just made it possible to create those 13 BIG DAYS too?


I used to “know” the statement – life is about the journey, not the destinations.


Now, I believe it and believing it has made all the difference. It’s shifted my priority to ensuring that the place I spend MOST of my time (99% of it) is happiest and I’m content to let the BIG DAYS be built from that.


I can trust my future outcomes because on a daily basis I am focused on my choices from a place of joy, not striving or struggle. 


Put your energy into the journey and the destination will take care of itself.


I want this knowledge to become a deep belief for you Alpha.


Tanya Recommends:



Getting the right amount of sleep tonight. Make it happen.



Stop giving to everyone else, everywhere else and get yourself to bed. In fact, go 10 minutes early and allow yourself time to review your day and focus on anything good and forgive yourself for anything you DON’T want to take into tomorrow.



Make it happen. Or as Jean-Luc Picard would say, Make it so…




Make a list of your BIG DAYS from the last 10-20 years and then compare that number against the number of days you LIVED.


Where should your focus or energy be?


On the super tiny number of BIG DAYS or the huge number of regular days?







Where attention goes, energy flows. I would have you re-route your attention to making your “average” days a joy. Bring your focus to your life as it is right now and each day. In that process, you will deepen your appreciation & respect for your life RIGHT NOW, no BIG DAYS required! Your gratitude will shift from looking for BIG DAYS to EVERYDAY. When that shift occurs, miracles will become more common in your life.






Wow Did You Hear?




“Miracle Coach” at Authentic Brain in India Says…

“You’re doing awesome job by Transforming Lives…

You’re just an Angel for Millions including me.

Keep inspiring and Transforming… Thanks.”


Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] Journey vs. Destination – Explained! Facebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.

[Beliefs] Are You An Either Or Person?

There is a lesson that Alphas must learn. The difference between being an “Either OR” person and being a “Both AND” person.

Either Or folks (and yes, I was sooo one of them…) think you can’t have everything. There is a swap off, a barter and price (penalty?) you pay for your good.

I can either have the job I want or be a good mom.

I can either follow my dreams or have a dependable income.

I can either be a good friend or have time for myself.

The most common three are LOVE or MONEY, WORK or FAMILY, DREAM or REALITY.

F that. I have become a BOTH AND person.

Wealthy people think more BOTH AND than Either Or.  Grow my business or spend time with my family? Wealth demands a way show up so you can do BOTH.

Oftentimes, if I catch myself in a moment of struggle, it’s because I’m Either-Or’ing. I was just Either-Or’ing about an Alpha Mate Candidate who just showed up. I couldn’t get the Universe to answer me because the answer WASN’T Do Either A or B, it was a blend of BOTH!

Can you have it all? Of course you can. The people out there preaching you can’t aren’t ALPHAS. They see limit and lack and focus on fear and less and “how” and “what if…”. They secretly think it’s greedy to desire and work for a life where you have what you want in more than one area.

You can’t be a lunatic about your “ALL”, but if ALL is good health, visible wealth, juicy love and expressing your soul’s gifts – then YEAH, ALL is not the exception in life, it’s the freaking POINT!

Here’s the deep stuff: 

You have to first choose BOTH and then ACT as if there will be a way to have BOTH, before you can EVER see how to make BOTH happen. (i.e. commitment + expectation + action) 

Directions: You Commit to having Both this good thing AND that good thing. You burn your bridges so your old patterns of self-sabotage have no room for retreat and THEN your mind will cooperate and start showing you a “how” to get your “BOTH AND”. 

Necessity is the mother of invention. You will see a route to BOTH when you NEED to see it, when you expect it and when you HAVE to see it and not one moment before.

Where are you Either-Or’ing your way out of your highest good?

Alpha Group Coaching begins Tuesday Night. Stop telling yourself you can’t do BOTH that AND whatever else you’ve already let gum up your time/money/courage.

You can be a Both And person. It’s a choice.  Remember I wrote last week about capacity? Capacity expands when you demand it to. Demand the capacity to do all of what you want. Will it be hard? Duh. That’s why it will make you better. It won’t stay hard though. I promise.

I invite you to change the life you aren’t so fond of. When? Now. Now is good.

Learn how to have Love and Money, Work and Family, Dreams and Reality.  Stop Flurpling around and Hit Reply & say “I want Both And.” (Yes. I AM talking to you. I’ll help you figure out your “how”, you just bring your WHY.)

We will begin actually building dreams Tuesday. Bring yours…it’s not too late. Do you want to READ the testimonials in 9 months or WRITE ONE?


P.S. Stop choosing either THIS good or THAT good. Have Both. Join your sisters in Alpha Group Coaching

We will begin actually building dreams Tuesday night. Bring yours…it’s not too late. Do you want to READ the testimonials in 9 months or WRITE ONE?



​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Beliefs] Are You An Either Or Person? Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Audio] Voicemail #7 Tanya Discusses Willingness – A Missing Ingredient

You’ve Got Voicemail…

Play Voicemail #7 (03:33)
How Willing are you to be WRONG about something you THINK you are right about? The answer is important.

P.S. My private coach, Prema, who I also coach for, is releasing her book! It’s awesome. She has found a way to help you figure out the archetypes that determine your wiring using astrology. It helps you know who you are and what you high talents are & how to connect with money!


In her system I am: The Honorable Spiritual Warrior, Intellectual Intuitive Leader & Loyal Creative Connector. That IS me! Learn yours and grab her list of bonuses by getting a copy of The Sacred Wealth Code today if you are curious 🙂

When you order your copy of Your Sacred Wealth Code,
you’ll receive bonus gifts valued at $997:

Bonus 1: Purpose and Prosperity Masterclass Live with Prema
(value $305). Discover how to tap into what your soul already knows: what makes you unique in the world, and how you can leverage your purpose, your desire, and your own set of “superpowers” to
connect with your personal path to wealth.

Bonus 2: Access to eight wealth alignment processes and
meditations to help you attract and create wealth (value $297)

Bonus 3: A chance to win one of 10 Sacred Wealth Code
Readings™ where you’ll discover how you’re encoded to create
wealth, meaning, and fulfillment (value $397).





​​​​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Resurrect Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE It ALL. 





Audio] Voicemail #7 Tanya Discusses Willingness – A Missing Ingredient Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Goals] Goals are WORTHLESS If You Can’t Stop SETTLING + A Surprise!

Goals are WORTHLESS if You Can’t Stop SETTLING…

Your REAL goals are set by your heart and BLOCKED by your mind!

Problem #1 Your mind (ego) is currently set up to only approve decisions that protect against loss (i.e. trying to guarantee your comfort). The mind’s motive is lack focused, fear based and collapses options and accordingly, must fail.

Problem #2Minimizing chance of risk is incompatible with maximizing chances for success. The safer you try to make something the more opportunity you must remove, because remember, the opportunity to succeed and the opportunity to fail are two sides of the same coin and cannot be separated.

You cannot seek to both succeed and NOT fail, because your focus is in fact on FAILING.

Problem #3Your mind operates off of templates and patterns previously experienced and believed in. This means the mind cannot and will not happily steer you to new things because there is NO template for the new thing! So, if the fabulous good you seek is brand-new to your life, your brain is your absolute worst resource to reach it.


$64,000 Question: If you are expecting your good to arrive looking a certain way and something else arrives looking differently, is it SETTLING to accept something different than you wanted?

Answer: If your mind makes the decision, YES it is settling. There is noway to reach that decision using your mind that does not involve the three problems above.

If your heart makes the decision, NO, it is recognition.

Your heart can look at a situation that does not have all of your preferences in place and see beyond that to KNOW that THIS is what you really desire.

When you are in your mind, it wants to “lower the bar” or “shift your preferences” out of FEAR that you CANNOT have what you really want. The mind is afraid you will GO WITHOUT if you don’t give in and make your criteria easier.

There are many stories of people finding love in a person who was very different from what they were looking for.

If your heart says YES, then you are all good. If you mind says, YES, that’s not so good.

Do not let your mind make that judgment call! I did that once. Outcome? Divorce.



I train Alphas by their HEARTS. Your mind will tell you all KINDS of silliness to keep you away from your good. Whether you listen is up to you. Do you want Bold & New or Tried & True?

Can you FEEL right now, how deeply committed I am to helping you stop struggling and begin your success THIS YEAR?


Surprise Coaching Call: Struggle, Settling & Surrender! The Secret 3 S’s of Success

WHEN: Tomorrow, Saturday 1pm EST

How: Dial 1-302-202-1110 Enter Conference Code: 358071

What you need to do: Put a reminder in your phone now!

I’ll send at least one reminder, two if I’m feeling frisky tomorrow.


Show up. Learn. Ask Questions.
My Heart wants to TEACH this, so I said YES.
And I need YOU to teach to! So show up!

Have a question? Hit REPLY and ask it!


P.S. Settling because you think you can’t? Because you believe someone won’t? Because it’s easier and safer and more comfortable? STOP IT. Want what you WANT and let me help you get THAT. Get on the Surprise Coaching call for: Struggle, Settling & Surrender: The Secret 3 S’s of Success – TOMORROW – Saturday at 1 pm EST. Are you coming?



​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Goals] Goals are WORTHLESS If You Can’t Stop SETTLING + A Surprise! Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Focus Mag] Overwhelm & Capacity – What You NEED to Know



Overwhelm & Capacity – What You NEED to Know


So last night I “crashed” when I stopped moving after a full day plus two back to back late night calls. I just suddenly realized I was tired.


I was kind of surprised. I literally had to mentally walk myself back through my day to figure out what in the world had I DONE to have my battery be so low?


And there it all was! So my tiredness was “approved”. I don’t let my ego just suggest I am tired or that we should feel drained. If you LET it do that, it will do that to you without cause!


So since I’m REALLY busy, let’s take a moment to train you on overwhelm and capacity and how to get the most from YOUR battery!

                      Sheila Heen – Feedback Expert & Harvard Law Lecturer


The five C’s of expanding your capacity.


  1. Build your confidence.
  2. Expand your connections.
  3. Improve your competence.
  4. Strengthen your character. If character is not strengthening your capacity is weakening. We need to check our leadership for leaks.
  5. Increase your commitment.

Today’s Topic: Tanya’s 3 Laws of  Capacity


  1. Overwhelm is a Choice
  2. Capacity Expands Relative to Demand
  3. To Have MORE In Your Life, You Must Make MORE ROOM


Law #1 – Overwhelm is a Choice


A. First, please stop using this icky word and phrases including it like, “I’m so overwhelmed.”

Saying you are overwhelmed admits to the listener that you have not made good choices. It reinforces the belief that you do not have the ability to either control your time or manage your own decisions and capacity.


Anything that you keep repeating, you are affirming! You are asking for it!

Pay attention over the next week and see if you spot yourself using this word. Are you thinking: “I feel so overwhelmed…This is overwhelming.”


Every time you say it or think it, your ego rubs its hands together in child-like glee. Why? Because it has you affirming your INABILITY to do whatever it is you need to do.


B. Overwhelm Comes from NOT Deciding.


I bet you know someone who is never overwhelmed. (Hint: You don’t have to look too hard, you’re reading her words right now.)


How did I achieve this magical state? Did a fairy come and tap me on the head and give me the magical cloak of Un-Overwhelmability? (I do kinda like that idea actually…)


Nope. I don’t get overwhelmed because I’m decisive and I continually make decisions at the moment when a decision is called for.


Note the last half of that definition carefully – at the moment a decision is called for. You may believe you are decisive because you do in fact make decisions, but decisiveness is not making decisions eventually, by default, once a crisis has arisen or to avoid danger.


Decisiveness comes from the ability to make a decision as soon as the decision is called for.


Decisiveness is an element of Purse Readiness. When you maintain your life in a Purse Ready state, when an opportunity arises or request is made, you can make a clean decision without having to delay.


Remember here again, my four steps in Tanya’s Decision Making Process: 1) Commitment, 2) Clarity, 3) Choices and 4) Action.


You always start from your commitment and then tell the truth about your situation and what would be blocking your commitment and what would be in alignment with your commitment. After that, it is way easier to make a choice and take action on it.


If you continually find yourself in a place of overwhelm, you are getting requests coming at you for decisions that you’re not making. As you avoid them and they stack up, you feel worse and worse about yourself and start making poor decisions. Overwhelm is a combination of the consequences of those poor decisions PLUS the decisions still being avoided.


C. Overwhelm is a victim mentality.


The state of being overwhelmed and being overwhelmed perpetually is a victim mentality. It is steeped in the energy of “I can’t” and “I shouldn’t have to” and “It’s all too much.”


I want you to stop rewarding the state of overwhelm in yourself and in others around you.


Your best friend: “Oh my God, I do not know how I’m going to figure this out. I’m feeling so freaking overwhelmed right now. It’s like I can’t do one more thing…”


Old you: “I know, right? This is crazy. I’m overwhelmed too.”


New Alpha: “That feeling totally sucks. Do you want my help figuring something out?”


IMPORTANT: Watch out for this in your children. You do not want your children using the word overwhelmed!


Seriously. A child. How could that even be? It can only be true if they’ve mentally decided to let things drag them down to that feeling. You want to model for them that overwhelm is a CHOICE and to be mindful of how frequently they are using these types of victim terms.


I want you to consider the frequent use of the term “overwhelm” as a danger sign – in yourself and others and especially in your children.


About every single child anywhere who’s had a mental health crisis or is heavily medicated for something, will tell you they felt “overwhelmed”.


Alphas must model what they want their children to experience.



Law #2 – Capacity Expands Relative to Demand


If you want to be able to have more in your life, just get yourself busy doing more in your life.


Yep. Just like the famous story of the goldfish that you get at the fair in the tiny little glass bowl…they grow in size in response to their environment.


Your capacity to be more, do more, have more, feel more and serve more is expanded by demand.


That means, you don’t get the extra until you asked for it, but once you’ve got it, you get to keep it!


It’s kind of like your credit card. Mostly, you need to ask the credit card company to increase your line of credit. Once they give it to you, it’s yours! It expands by demand.


Do you sometimes get a letter from your credit card company magically telling

you they added $5000? Yes. But what caused that magical letter to come? They offer you MORE because you’ve been doing something, somewhere else in your life that MERITS MORE. You made an indirect demand for more.


When you’re considering women like Arianna Huffington, Oprah Winfrey and Betty White their capacities expanded because they had a need for extra.


This is critical. How does capacity expand? It doesn’t expand while you sit there WANTING it to expand, so you can use it to do more. The laws of the Universe are constant everywhere! It is always, give first, then receive.


If you need more capacity, you take on more and then your capacity expands. You commit first and THEN you are given the resources needed to meet your commitment.


People consider taking on a new job or having a baby or joining my coaching

program. I tell all of them the same thing, you first commit to do what you do not have the current resources or capacity to do. You go all in on it, and THEN the resources appear.


Capacity FOLLOWS demand. Capacity does not proceed demand!


If capacity proceeded demand, poor people sitting on couches would suddenly discover that they have the ability to start that business, fund that business, market that business and sell to their new client base – all BEFORE they left the couch!


You have to actually request the resources that you need based upon a committed desire or plan that requires them.


Think of working on a big construction project. On the site, there is a giant company supply room. You do NOT get to go to the supply clerk and requisition objects and materials IN ADVANCE of your having a committed and approved building plan.


Ahh, but once you DO have an approved building plan that the company is committed to (that’s you), then materials are there for the taking!


Capacity follows demand.



Law #3 – To Have MORE In Your Life, You Must Make MORE ROOM


You don’t go to the grocery store and buy 10 turkeys at Thanksgiving, because you don’t have room for 10 turkeys! (Yes, I am tempted!)


Those turkeys could be four cents a pound, but there is still going to be a point at which you don’t have ANY more room for more turkeys.


That’s the critical part of being Purse Ready, we make space in advance of the “turkey sale”!


Whatever you’re telling yourself that you want – if you don’t currently have room for it – ask yourself how serious you are about receiving it? And ask yourself how likely is it that the Universe would give it to you, as you are showing it that you’re not ready to have it right now.


There is an old adage that if you need more clients in your business you should clean out your filing cabinets. I can tell you that I personally have done that twice in my law firm and it actually worked!


And remember last year when I did the great purge of business clothing? Dozens of suits and boxes of clothing, so much of it brand-new. It’s true, opening that space let more abundance find me.


Overwhelm is a state of not having enough “space” for whatever it is that you think you should be doing. If you are constantly saying you are in overwhelm, you are also saying to the Universe that you don’t have enough space for your new & good things.


Release Overwhelm. Expand Your Capacity & Make Space.



Expand your capacity and grab your spot in Alpha Group Coaching. Perfect timing or easy to do? Probably not. Do it anyway.


We will be a small group so you and your issues will get plenty of attention. We will be setting the meeting time based on YOUR schedule, so you want to hit reply, take that deep breath and ask your questions TODAY.


We can get you past that block. To that goal. Through that fear. Let me lead you Alpha, I don’t know LOTS of ways, but I know ONE and it works for us…


Don’t debate it another moment, just hit reply and say “Ok. Now what?”


Ask Tanya

Tanya’s Teaching:




Notice how often you’re saying or thinking the word overwhelm. When you catch yourself with that word, replace it by getting yourself to mindfully choose to do or not do whatever is in front of you.


Just actively choosing to DO the thing instead of doing it under protest makes a huge difference to how you FEEL while doing it.     








To utilize your capacity you must believe it BEFORE you see it.  You must believe that you CAN do what it is you’re deciding to do BEFORE the way to do it will be shown to you. When you rely upon the strength of your necessity, burning desire or faith in making your commitment, the blocks that would prevent you become visible and your capacity expands.






Wow Did You Hear?




Soft Alpha Gets Life Changing Advice


I was about to make a pretty big mistake and you just…SAW IT. Once you showed it to me, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it.


Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. OMG, what if I had kept waiting to talk to you???​​​​​​​




Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] Overwhelm & Capacity – What You NEED to Know Facebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.